Quis Leget Haec Crapus?

NaNo Whee!

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 03:33:49 GMT

I actually decided to do NaNo this year. Last year I didn't quite make it to the win, but it was the most fun I've had writing, so I figured I'd do it again this year.

Last year I started NaNo with the worst Halloween hangover ever. This year, I started with only three hours of sleep to my name. This will probably become some sort of thing.

Today's word count: 1,837.

On another note, I finally bought a new laptop. My old 9 pound montrosity still runs, but the hardware on it has been dying for a while. So, now I have a new shiny. My super thin and light 15.6" screen, keyboard with a ten key, 500GB Hard Drive, 4GB memory, 8 hour battery, which stays cool to the touch, and free Windows 7 upgrade shiny. I loves it like crazy all ready.

And The Award Goes To...

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 21:25:04 GMT

While skimming the Emmys the other day, really only in order to see if Jon Stewart or Steven Colbert won, I wondered what it would be like to stand up in front of a lot of people and say thanks to the people that got you there. Since it is unlikely I will ever win an Emmy unless they make a category for Awesome People Who Are Awesome But Don't Act, I wondered if I could do an Emmy speech as a shout out to those who've helped me become a better writer.

"Wow. I didn't think I'd win. I don't even have a speech prepared!" And then I take out a long paper.

"I'd like to thank my mom--HI MOM!--for always buying me books and introducing me to the worlds of Narnia and Dune and Xanth and dozens of others.

I'd like to thank my dad for always saying 'Um, you still doing that writing thing?'

To my grandfather who always told me 'Use your head for something besides a hat rack and an ornament.'

To my Grandma Margaret who was a storyteller at heart, a gossip, and a history buff, many times all rolled into one.

To my Grandma Anne who once told me that I'd make something of myself if I didn't get pregnant and went to college.

To my sister, who was forced through the bonds of love to read my earliest, crappiest drafts when I first started writing in high school, and who now refuses to read anything of mine for fear of reading crap again.

To my college roomies, who read my shit, gave honest critique, let me bounce ideas off of them, and managed most times to leave me alone when I was writing.

To all those bad critique partners in college, who didn't really understand any genre except the literary one. Thanks for totally trashing my beloved genre of speculative fiction. You helped me get angry enough to do better.

To all the Forward Motion people. I've learned the most from you crazy, crazy bunch. It's good to know the writing insanity doesn't have to happen alone.

Thanks. Peace out!"

Finished Redux

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 21:27:36 GMT

Or rather, REDO. I finished the complete rewrite of Necromancer Syndrome!

Having two books completed and ready for edits makes me feel very accomplished. Hell, I'm even looking forward to edits. Maybe I'll actually get something out to agents this year. That would be great.

Yay!

Finished!

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 16:30:26 GMT

I finished the first draft of Bloodhunter Rites! Part of me put off finishing it because I didn't want it to end. It's the most fun I've had writing a first draft ever.

109,000 words. Yeah, I tend to overwrite first drafts.

WHEE!

You Don't Need This Disease, You Don't, You Don't Need This Disease

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 06:56:54 GMT

I don't know what kind of illness I had (some of the ideas among my coworkers have stemmed from the Plague, to Swine Flu, Hacking Death) but it's still kicking my ass a little almost two weeks later. There was an entire period of about three days where I didn't eat, and slept through most of it. I also wound up watching the entire first season of Doctor Who, three-fourths of the first season of Due South, a couple of episodes of The Adventures of Brisco County Jr., the entire mini-series Tin Man, and Finding Nemo for good measure because I always seem to watch it when I'm sicky poo.

So, this weekend was my recouperate-from-illness weekend. I finally finished the painting I've been dabbling with for about three months and stuck it in a frame, mostly because I felt accomplished. I mucked around with watercolors, because I was irritated that the fish tank background I bought didn't fit my hexagonal tank, and thus made my own damn background. It's not as cool as the dinosaur backgorund I bought, but it's purty kewl.

Consequently, I still haven't named most of my fish. I named the pot-bellied silver molly male, Klaus, after the German goldfish on American Dad. The other two, both black molly females, are still nameless. I also found a tiny baby fish when cleaning out the tank (mollies are livebearers and reproduce with unashamed fervor). Not sure what to do with it. I may just put it back in the tank and wish it all the best of luck (mollies also frequently eat their young).

I also had time to clear out all of the dead brush/rusted nails/other debris in the small garden area on the patio in front of my apartment, which is one of the reasons I liked the apartment so much. I found that the larger section was actually comprised mostly of six inches of dirt mixed with huge river rocks. Not wanting to dig it all out and replace the dirt, I've decided that a Japanese-style Zen garden would be really awesome. And cheap. All I need is sand and rocks. And maybe a few ornamental grasses. A fountain made for cheap would be really cool, and if I do it right, I can take it with me for an inside fountain when I move.

This weekend I also realized that I'm about 10K away from finishing the first draft of the sequel. I've had tons of fun writing it, and I kind of don't want it to end. After this, I'm going to finish the re-write of book one, then go back and rewrite the first couple of chapters. Then after I polish those two...I may leap at my post-apocalyptic fantasy/sea warfare idea. But we'll see.

Off to bed.

All Things Made of Dork: Star Trek, Grindhouse: Death Proof, Equilibrium

Wed, 13 May 2009 05:57:21 GMT

Yup, it's movie review time!

EQUILIBIRUM

B

First off, is Equilibrium, a movie I NetFlix'd because it had Christian Bale in it. Yeah, that was kind of the only reason. But luckily, I really enjoyed it. Think of this movie like Fahrenheit 451 meets The Matrix (only Christian Bale can actually act, and the action scenes are way cooler looking than any in the Matrix).

In the far future, a Nation has been built upon one ideal: erradicate emotion in humans, and you will end war and murder for all time. Citizens of this nation are required to take a drug which inhibits all emotion. Emotion is now outlawed, and people who stop taking their daily doses are accused of "sense crimes" and promptly put to death. Likewise, anything that can stir up emotion is banned: books, movies, music, writing. Meet John Preston: one of the most talented Clerics, almost super-human uber-cops, whose sole job is to find, apprehend, and kill those accused of "sense crimes."

One day, Preston misses one of his daily doses, and starts to FEEL. A conscience is something a Cleric shouldn't have, so as he begins to feel, he learns that the regime he has served all his life needs to be overthrown.

Originally, I thought this movie was going to be horrible and cheesy, especially when we get a voice over in the beginning filling us in about the Third World War. But what follows is a man learning to feel for the first time, and his attempts to hide it. You can honestly feel for him as he listens to music for the first time, Beethoven, and has a strong emotional reaction to it. Likewise, are the following scenes involing a cute, fluffy puppy.

Are there flaws in the movie? Sure. But overall, the movie's strengths and surprises outweigh any of the less finesse parts of the plot. It definately plays heavily on the old dystopian type stories like Brave New World, Nineteen Eighty-Four, and Fahrenheit 451. But I happen to really like those, and enjoyed the movie in the same way. Plus, did I mention the action scenes were really freakin' awesome?

GRINDHOUSE: DEATH PROOF

C-

I'm not sure there's really a plot to this movie. At least little I could identify. I hadn't really expected one, considering that the Grindhouse movies were homages to really bad drive-in type flicks. And I enjoy bad horror flicks. But what you lack in plot you'd better make up for in death, destruction, mayhem, and lots and lots of blood. Unfortunately, there wasn't a whole lot of that going on. True to Tarantino's form, there were a lot of talking-at-the-table type scenes. Though these I believe lasted a little too long. Way, way too long. More death and blood please!

Basic premise is this: Stuntman Mike has a "death proof" stunt car--and he uses it to stalk an kill a group of sexy girls.

It's not until in the very end, where there's an extended chase scene in two classic cars, where it gets exciting. The stalked women get their revenge.

STAR TREK

B-

I actually took my mom to go see this movie for Mother's Day, because both of us have watched a lot of Trek. Wouldn't exactly call us Trekkies, but fans, yes. I'd heard a lot of mixed reviews about the movie: some people said it was good, but rabid fans seemed to hate it.

Young James T. Kirk is a bit of a wild boy, directionless, but intelligent and resourceful. He still lives with the idea that his father saved hundreds of lives, and gave up his life so his infant son could survive. It isn't until Kirk meets up with his father's old friend, Captain Pike, who insists that Kirk can find his life in Star Fleet, does the young man join up. On Vulcan, young Spock finds that being half-human is something he must live with, and he strikes out on his own to join Star Fleet.

A group of rogue, lone Romulans in a wildly advanced ship start wreaking havoc on the system, headed inexorably for Vulcan with the intent to destroy. It's up to Kirk, Spock, Bones, Chekov, Sulu, Uhura, and a late arriving Scotty to thwart an entire planet's destruction--and Earth is next.

I enjoyed this film because all of the actors did a brilliant job playing such iconic characters, and the character's patented interactions were all present. Spock's logical objections, Kirk's wild leaps and reckless plans, Bone's mutterings about green-blooded aliens. Not only that, but this is a shinier, more fast-paced Trek with excellent action scenes, and a good dose of humor. It's like someone took a Trek movie, and pumped it full of much needed uppers (if anyone remembers the travesty that was Star Trek V...Dear God). While watching the movie, I noticed that the fans would giggle and clap whenever the movie snuck in a reference to other characters from other series, and other episodes from the original.

Though I can see why some fans may disapprove. There was less character development between the other characters, i.e, those not Kirk and Spock. But hey, the original movies were along the same lines. All in all, I felt like this WAS a Trek movie.

"An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come." --Victor Hugo

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 21:03:00 GMT

So, I have a really, really shiny, super-duper shiny shiny shiny new idea for a novel. All of the other ideas I've dabbled with while working on Necromancer Syndrome and Bloodhunter Rites, haven't stuck with me for very long, and didn't have that spark. I have to admit that I didn't feel that way in the very beginning for NS, but the more I worked on worldbuilding, the more I loved it.

The new idea has me a bit obsessed. I've been doing research on it, just a little, to see if it's feasible for me to do. It would take a whole helluva lot of research, and knowing how I shirk research, that might not be a good thing. Also knowing how I obsess over some little detail of research for longer than is necessary, that's also strike two. At least it's in an area I find interesting, and love to read about.

It would be a sort of post-apocalyptic fantasy. Since I learned that I liked adding real places into NS, I decided that I could do it again. Where else have I lived? Humboldt county. Add in sailing ships and Napoleonic-era like sea battles, plus warring factions of strange races, plus a dash of magic, and my brain loves it. Loves, love, loves it. A lot. Like if I could marry an idea like this, I'd be the happiest gal EVAR. Then we'd have little idea babies that would grow into awesome grown-up ideas.

I guess it doesn't help that I'm reading one of the books in an awesome series, Commodore Hornblower by C.S. Forester. The character of Horatio Hornblower is one of my favorite characters of all time. I also just watched Master and Commander again!

Okay, so this idea actually seems to be a mutation of that space opera idea I had that just didn't seem to click. Now it does. WHEE!

Of course, I still have TWO OTHER books I'm working on right now. Sheesh, brain. So far, I've completely rewritten NS from scratch, and I'm still not done (though close). BR has stalled for now, because what it needs is a new outline and a big epic battle. BIG! EPIC! BATTLE! (Yes, it deserves all caps and the exclamation points).

Since I haven't done this in a while, here's where I'm at:

The Rewrite of Necromancer Syndrome:

67000 / 100000

The First Draft of Bloodhunter Rites is also:

67000 / 100000

It's neck and neck! Which one will win?

Movie Reviews! Yes, Again...

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 21:43:10 GMT

The beauty of Netflix is that you can rent all sorts of random movies you've never even heard of, and it's awesome.

STAGE BEAUTY

Grade: B

I really liked this movie, and yet felt a little conflicted about it at the same time. I wasn't quite sure that I liked how it ended, but the ambiguity of the entire film actually worked.

In seventeenth century England, male actors play all the women's roles, and none do so well as Ned Kynaston, purported to be the most beautiful talented woman of the stage. When his dresser, Mariah, breaks the law and performs the very same role that Kynaston is famous for, Desdemona in Othello, it causes King Charles to reverse the decree: Women can now play women's roles. Out of a job, and forced to play a man's role or never act again, Ned is lost and confused. He enjoys being a woman, and feels that part of his identity is as a woman, and now Mariah has taken it all away. But when both of their careers are headed for disaster, Ned must play the Othello to her Desdemona. Together they strip away all of the artifice in their art form.

What follows is a story about breaking away from gender and gender roles, and defining sexuality as something fluid or not necessarily either/or. Ned himself has both male and female lovers, and enjoys cross-dressing. But his ideas about what a woman should be (and about how he as a woman should be) are all as artificial as the stylized, very overacted acting preformed during the period. I worried that at the end, it would be more of "ha, now look he's more of a man!" Luckily, it ends with Ned being more honest about who he is, whether that be as a man or otherwise. And it ends ambiguously, as his love for Mariah has grown so that he no longer knows his "role."

TWILIGHT

Grade: FAIL

This movie was horrible. Really, really horrible. After 30 minutes of this I wanted to turn it off. After an hour, I prayed that my brain would spontaneously combust. After the entire movie was over, I wondered if I could time travel and get two hours of my life back, or at the very least go back in time to light the disc on fire while singing all of the lyrics to "We Didn't Start the Fire" (and yes, I know all of them).

I will write a recap of what the movie is about, even if it didn't seem to actually go anywhere. Anyway, here it is. Bella is your typical angsty teen whose mommy loves her, but leaves her with her daddy in another state and town. Enter her vampire love interest with terrible makeup, a shade of lipstick that's something out of a hooker's purse, and hair that is a horrid mimicry of a pomp and makes him look four inches taller. For 50 minutes they angst about why they can't be together, he's a bit of a dick to her and she loves it and wants more. Finally, things start to get mildly interesting when her boyfriend Edward's vampire family tries to welcome her in. Enter a random group of vampires who are randomly killing super random people (did I say random enough?). For some reason I still can't identify, one of the other vampires wants to kill Bella. Her newly adopted vampire family tries their damndest to save her, and in the end, her vamp boyfriend kicks ass (about time) and takes names (about time he wasn't so Uber-Emo with all those almost-tears).

Now, I don't know about the book, so I won't go there. A lot of people love the books. I personally have not read them. But judging on the movie, it's probably not for me. And yes, I was at one point a thirteen-year-old girl obsessed with vampires. Now, luckily, not so much. I'd like to think that even then I wouldn't have liked this pile of steamed shit.

DRAGONWYK

Grade: B

This movie vaulted Vincent Price firmly into his acting career. Or so says IMDB. But I have to admit that I love Vincent Price, and I utterly adore his type of gothic movies. But here was a very young, very thin Vincent, in his 30s as opposed to the older Price of all his Edgar Allen Poe movies. Even then he looked imposing, and had a stage presence to match. His distinct voice wasn't quite as distinct, but damn if you didn't believe his character was as strong and intimidating as Price made him.

In nineteenth century America, there are still the haves and the have-nots. Miranda Wells is just a poor Connecticut farm girl with dreams of having more, so when her family receives a strange invitation from their very distant cousin, the rich Nicholas Van Ryn in his mansion of Dragonwyk, she is eager to leave behind her religiously overbearing father and simple life. Nicholas (Vincent Price) is everything a wealthy land owner should be--charming, handsome, and obliging of a young girl's whims. But something is amiss at Dragonwyk manor. The tenant farmers on Van Ryn land are ready to revolt as they are all but slaves in name, and are lead by the handsome young doctor who is eager to sweep Miranda away. Nicholas' wife is frail and clingy, their ten-year-old daughter hears voices, and the servants speak of a Van Ryn curse on those of the blood. What follows is very gothic romance--ghosts, curses, murder, insanity, obsession, and an old mansion.

What I liked about this was that you could understand why Miranda was so attracted to Nicholas, and even why she loved him. For a heroine of the time (and the movie was made in the 1940's), Miranda is oddly strong-willed and self-sufficient. Still interesting is the story of the tenant farmers, forced to work for the Van Ryns or leave the land they lived on for generations, because it didn't belong to them. But what really made the movie was Vincent Price. Without his charismatic portrayal, the movie would've been much poorer.

Shut Up and Let Me Write, Damnit

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 19:57:59 GMT

Lately, I've decided that in order to get more writing done, I should take my laptop and write during my lunch period. Now, usually I go somewhere else during my lunch period, because staying in the breakroom while one of my co-workers blasts NPR drives me nutso (I can't listen to speech type stuff as I write). But over the past couple of weeks, we've been busy, and I've cut my lunch short in order to finish things faster.

But that means I have to write in the breakroom.

The amount of heckling I've received is annoying. Granted, it's only a few people teasing me endlessly, but it's still...not cool. At first, I found it amusing that people were actually intrigued by what I was doing, if maybe a little embarassed at their enthusiastic interest. But now, not so much. How can I write when some people are quoting "Family Guy" at me? You know the scene where Stewie teases Brian about the novel he's been working on for three years?(Again, funny at first, but it got old after about the fourth time. And the fifth or sixth times. And the seventh through tenth times. I'm not kidding. And on Monday, probably the eleventh through upteenth times).

Not to mention, that after one co-worker dug more info out of me on what it was about, he basically said it was a blatant rip off of a show. I don't know what it is about non-readers/writers, but they always seem to think story ideas are exactly like [insert lame movie or show here], and thus you must've stolen your ideas. You're obviously a hack! You STOLE IT! How dare you try when you're ripping it all off of [lame show]! Their laughter screams FAILURE!

You can find common threads among anything if you look hard enough. Plus, everyone uses an idea that's been done to death and sets a spin on it. The basic idea always sounds lame and cliche.

But I have to remind myself I'm not writing this for those naysayers, all of which are professed non-readers. If there was one thing my Rhetoric teacher pounded into my head from Aristotle, whose book made me drool on myself after falling into a near coma of boredom, it is to KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE.

And these people ain't it.

Shut up and let me write.

Writer's Block: More Island Time

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 22:35:40 GMT

You're packing your bag for that other desert island—the one with no electricity—what 5 books do you take with you?

Submitted By mika_uriah

View 501 Answers

Probably my all time favorites, which are (in no particular order):

1. "Black Sun Rising" by C.S. Friedman
2. "Dragonflight" by Anne McCaffery
3. "Dune" by Frank Herbert
4. My Omnibus Edition of "The Chronicles of Narnia" by C.S. Lewis (cheating, I know)
5. "A Spell for Chameleon" by Piers Anthony

Notes on Laboratory Safety for Writers

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 07:11:55 GMT

I've been working for an Environmental Laboratory now for over a year, and while I'm not a lab tech myself, there are still a few things I've seen on TV that seem to get things a bit wrong. A lot of this might seem obvious, but people can still get hurt because they're not being smart.

LAB SAFETY

What not to wear:

So, since it's TV there has to be a sexy babe wearing smart business suits, kick-ass peek toed shoes, and have their awesomely curled hair hanging around their shoulders, and they're definitely wearing contacts. The guys are in business suits, minus the coat.

Probably the worst attire for a lab. For one, chemical splashes happen, and those chemicals seep into your nice fancy clothes. Lab coats are designed to help keep chemicals off of you, but it still can seep through. If you love the clothes you're wearing, and you desperately want to look fantabulous--don't wear them to work in a lab! Most of our techs wear old attire that's worn and faded and probably looks like it's been through the wash too many times with accidental bleach splatters, which are really the result of spills. Even with an full lab apron, you might still ruin your clothes. You can't say you'll never drop chemicals, because chances are you will, and even if you don't, chances are that your co-workers will. If your lowly lab tech character doesn't dress almost like a bum, I won't believe you.

Open toed shoes are a very, very big no no. Not only can you drop glassware on your delicate little toes, but most chemicals can burn (or at the very least irritate) the skin, some severely. Exposing a lot of skin is not the best idea, so shorts and short skirts are also not recommended. I may mention here that some of our female machine operators do wear skirts and revealing clothing sometimes, but they are in the extraction labs less often, and thus are away from the nitty-gritty chemicals of everyday use.

As chemicals can burn--and melt through a various amount of products, especially plastics--contacts are generally banned from the lab. Soft contacts can actually absorb solvent vapors, which if you're a lab tech, you'll be around all day, every day. Also, if you spill chemicals in your eye, contacts can makes things worse in the attempt to flush it out.

Having your long hair down is a nuisance. I'm also sure dipping your hair in a test tube would be enough to put you off of the idea forever (not to mention cross-contaminating your samples). Though I have to say that there are a few women at the lab who choose to ignore this, and haven't had any problems. Still, ninety-five percent of our lab techs pull back their hair. It just makes sense.

If ever there were a Commandment for Lab Safety, it would be: Thou Shalt Wear Thy Safety Glasses at All Times! In some cases a full-face shield might be needed. I might also add that nowadays, safety glasses can actually be functional and trendy at the same time, as I've seen wrap around safety glasses that resemble ultra cool sunglasses. Don't believe me? Go here to check it out: http://www.labsafety.com/store/Safety_Supplies/Eyewear/Safety_Glasses/44034/

Case in point: One of my co-workers took off his safety glasses in one of the labs, because he was finished with his own work. Someone else, who was transporting methylene chloride, dropped it and splattered it all over said lab tech's face. Luckily, none of the solvent got into his eye, and he promptly washed it off of his face with the help of the nearest eyewash fountain. But he was lucky. Methylene chloride burns. Though I haven't had the displeasure of feeling it, the everyone I've talked to said it HURTS.

Similarly would be: Though Shalt Wear Gloves! There are many types of gloves now, so that if you're allergic to latex, Nitrile gloves are an option, and some even come with soothing aloe inside. Another thing to mention is that putting on oil-based lotions before you strap on gloves can actually compromise the integrity of latex gloves. And if you have long fingernails, they can tear through a pair of gloves easily. I actually had to cut off my fingernails with a pair of scissors once because my lovely long nails kept ripping apart every pair of gloves I put on. You should also wash your hands after you take off gloves, especially if you plan on eating or drinking afterwards. Personally, I hate the way hands smell after wearing gloves for a long period of time. Gloves don't breathe much, so your hands tend to sweat a little. So wash your hands.

Leading to: No eating, drinking, or putting on makeup in the lab. In general if you're in the lab wearing gloves, it's a good idea to keep your hands away from your face.

Spills have to be cleaned up immediately according to the chemical's MSDS, which is:

Material Safety Data Sheets (MSDS): MSDS are part and parcel of working in a chem lab. They clearly, and in careful detail, point out all of the hazards of whatever particular chemical you are working with including flammability, toxicity, chemical properties, health risks, what to do in case of exposure, and the correct methods of disposal.

Fume hoods:

I never see anyone on CSI ever working beneath a fume hood, even when they are working with chemicals. I'm not sure where they expect all those chemical fumes to go. What fume hoods are designed to do is to vent chemical vapors from inside the work area to an outside source, usually to the air surrounding the building. And believe me, a chem lab would reek and be unbearable and a potential health risk if there were absolutely no fume hoods present.

Speaking as someone who poked her head beneath a fume hood once (and I was new...you're not supposed to put your head under the sash) while the fan wasn't on, it resulted in a sore throat for most of the day; also as someone who was present when one of the fume hoods malfunctioned and started venting air back into the lab, I can definitely say functioning fume hoods are an essential piece of chem lab equipment. And if your tech character is a good tech, s/he'll leave the sash down when not immediately working in the hood, and keep the area under the fume hood as free of clutter as possible, since having it too messy restricts air flow into the vents. Not that everyone does this, mind you.

Want to know what a fume hood looks like? Check this out: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Fume_hood.jpg

Chemical storage:

Chemical storage cabinets are for...well, storing chemicals. They're usually bright yellow with a large "flammable" warnings written on the front. This is where solvents are stored, and most fume hoods also have chem storage cabinets underneath.

Likewise, gas cylinders have to be strapped firmly to a wall, and the gages checked regularly. We have a company that we hire to refill our tanks every week.

Eye wash, showers, fire extinguishers, escape plans:

Our Head Chemist once told me, "If you see me running, you'd better learn to run faster." A lab is a breeding ground for all sorts of fire hazards, and have the potential for explosions. Having gas canisters of hydrogen, and even a sizable tank of liquid nitrogen at hand can make a fire a real hazard. Just like at any other job, you have evacuation routes out of the lab, and a warning system. Large spills with noxious vapors can be cause enough to evacuate. Fire extinguishers are set up all around the lab, and are clearly marked, and maintenanced regularly.

Eye wash stations are placed around the work areas in case of accidental spillage into the eye. Likewise, emergency showers are situated all through the lab. If you are forced to use an emergency shower, you also have to remove all of your clothes to make sure the spill is completely removed, because the chemicals will stay in the cloth. Yep, you have to get nekkid. Better to lose your dignity than be seriously injured.

Pregnancy:

Pregnant women are NOT allowed to work in the lab. EVER. End of story. In fact, if your pregnant character works in a chem lab, her baby better be a mutant, and not the cool X-men kind either. Many chemicals in a lab are teratogens: chemicals that can cause reproductive harm and birth defects, or carcinogens: chemicals that cause cancer. Our lab has the required note above the lab door that practically reads like the Surgeon General's warning on a pack of cigarettes.

Animals and Small Children:

Don't belong in the lab. EVER. Your character's adorable and precocious little seven-year-old and his Labrador puppy better never step one foot inside the lab. Maybe the main office, but that's as far as little Timmy and Fido better get.

Questions? Comments?

Nerdage and Notebook Archaeology

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 00:28:18 GMT

Yesterday, I had the great pleasure of going to Roseville to Denios Farmer's Market and Auction. Ah, it brought back many a childhood memory, not just of going to Denios, but of all the old stuff that I remembered from my youth.

The place is monsterous, like a massive garage sale. MASSIVE. You can pretty much find anything there, from furniture to toys, to some strange old piece of technology that you can't idenitfy because it's so old. My whole reason for going was to find a TV Stand or Entertainment Center for really cheap. Unfortunately, I didn't find one.

But here's what I walked away with...

I was very happy to find a table where there were so many Super Nintendo Games. Instantly, I grabbed up about three, looked at the prices and then loudly complained that they were too expensive. The 12-year-old kid behind the table told me, that no they were all $5. I picked up six of them, and then counting out loud, said that I'd feel silly paying $30 for old video games. The same kid said, "Well how about I give them to you for $27?" Man, that kid will grow up to be an excellent car saleman. Sold!

I grabbed up:

Super Star Wars
Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
Super Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
F-Zero
Mortal Kombat II
Street Fighter II

I wandered by another table and picked up and old book, by the look of it from the 1950's, that was an instructional book for police officers and detectives on how to defend yourself against weapon and weaponless attacks. I decided I had to have it. Not only would it be good information, as I'm sure basic defensive moves haven't changed that much, the pictures make it look like something out of and old 50's gangster movie.

My friend Carmen came upon an old notebook with notes it in. No, not just notes, but a child's written story, from what I could tell, about mysterious disappearing grandparents. As we flipped through it, this poor young girl had an entire section on her future hopes and dreams. Carmen was so intrigued she thought about buying it, but when she asked the price, it was naturally high, and she didn't bother to haggle with him. She put it back in the crate and went on her merry way.

From there we cruised the Farmer's market and I bought 2 pounds of tomatoes for $1.50, 2 pounds of string beans for $1.50, and 3 large eggplant for $1. All fresh.

I totally want to go back next weekend!

The Seven Dirty Words I Used in My Draft

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 04:54:13 GMT

The other day at work I found someone had usurped my computer, and that they'd left the word "douchbagery" typed into the google search function in the corner. I'm not quite sure what they found. Maybe a dictionary definition. Maybe a picture of themselves using my computer for their nefarious Google deeds. Maybe a sound bite from my neighbors being loud and obnoxious and holding their pot-smoking bongo drumming dance/seance thing on their floor/my ceiling.

Anyway, I think I use too many foul words in my drafts of Necromancer Syndrome and its sequel. Seriously, Damien drops a ridiculous amount of f-bombs, s-bombs, dirty-bombs, and er...actual bombs, the kind that go BOOM. I'll have to go back in and take a lot of them out. Honestly, I'm not afraid of using a lot of @#$%, but there is a point where enough is enough. I mean, I'm not writing a Tarantino film here. I'm not trying to use all Seven Dirty Words, though I'm sure I got pretty close.

*looks at draft*

Oh, hell.

The Dawning of the Age of Aquariums...

Sun, 01 Feb 2009 23:00:49 GMT

So, I recently bought a 25 gallon hexagon aquarium with the stand off of Craigslist for $85.

I have to say that I'm become a little obsessed with the stuff you can find off of Craiglist. I plan on scoring an awesome entertainment center either on the site, or at the giant flea market in Roseville. The day will be mine!

It's a bit smaller for the corner I plan on stashing it in, and I have no idea what sort of fish are going to live in it...but there it is. Today, I'm going to go to Petco and buy a thermometer, a heater, some fake plants, some rocks, and water conditioner, because the city water here is so full of chlorine and various other foul tasting chemicals (and probably lead, though with the way the tap water tastes I wouldn't be surprised if they told us it was poop). The tank came with an undergravel filter, an air pump, red gravel, and a light, so I'm set on that account.

I'm bound and determined to have living things in the apartment, partly because I miss having pets (the fluffy kind) and fish are as close as I can come (though un-fluffy). Even if you can't pet them. Honestly, I'd rather have a red-ear slider turtle, but I came to the informed conclusion that I don't have enough space or the resources to adequately take care of one for the next 30 plus years of my life. Though if I decide that my circumstances have changed, I'm lucky enough to live in an area with many herp vets.

Once I finally decide to buy said fish, I'll have to have the mighty minds on LJ help me come up with names. Of course, pics will follow.

Also, we're about at the stage where we need to start decorating the new apartment. I plan on trying my hand at painting again, though this time on canvas. Then I'ma gonna slap the canvas on the wall and VOILA! Art! Or so I hope. I usually only draw, sketch, and paint once every six months or so. It's not like it's a serious hobby of mine. So we'll see.

As for the books...

I've been working on the re-write of Necromancer Syndrome quite a bit this week. I've also been writing the first draft of it's stand alone sequel, Bloodhunter Rites. Strange that I've never been able to divide my time between two projects before. I think it has to do with the fact that it's a similar book with similar characters.

Oh, and I'm currently enjoying "His Majesty's Dragon" by Naomi Novik. I couldn't help but pick it up when I found out it mixed two of my favorite things--Napoleon era sea battles...and fantasy elements, namely dragons. Already picked up two sequels.

Leaving a Fantasy World, Old Works, and Queries...

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 06:37:48 GMT

I just finished reading "Neverwhere" by Neil Gaiman. I was first introduced to Gaiman's writing from the co-authored book, "Good Omens," which might be by far the most hilarious book I've ever read. But this book has so much going for it--witty humor, a hapless innocent MC, and an entire fantasy world attached to the "real" one.

I have to admit that with books this good I always feel slightly disappointed when I finish them. Why? Because leaving them feels like leaving home for the first time, and you get that somber feeling almost like homesickness. You're brain has been in another realm, and leaving it feels like goodbye.

How do you create a place like that in your own writing? A place that hangs on to you even after you've long since set the book aside?

Speaking of long set aside, I recently spent many hours re-reading my mammoth first attempt at a novel, the first piece of writing I ever finished, and my first ever completed first draft. I skipped over the parts where I dropped characters, changed some, went off on to stupid side plots, and generally lost focus. Oh, and it was 187K.

I got sucked in. The characters still have that special spark, and some of the scenes have real depth, even if the plot is scattered and some of the ideas a little overused. I didn't hate the very sight of the thing, and even the worldbuilding was more complex than I'd remembered. I still don't know if I'll ever do anything with it, but it was still good to see how much I'd learned while writing it, and that it didn't reach the heights of suckitude that I thought it did. It made me realize that yes, no writing is ever wasted.

Queries...

I'm in no way close to actually sending out any of my novels, but I thought writing a query would be a good exercise in trying to pare it down and get to the bare bones of the story. While doing this exercise I realized two things: One, that the connection between two plot points was weaker than I knew, and two, that while the personal stakes are pretty high, the public stakes needed a little boost. I have some more rewriting to do.

Also today, while trying hard to look busy at work, a sticky plot problem suddenly fixed itself in my brain. Yay for trying to look busy!

Happy New Year and GOALS!

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 22:01:28 GMT

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I want to make 2009 the year that I actually send out more of my writing. Okay, more than just one story. Like last year. Although, I might add that sending out my work at all was a big step for me--and even those rejections were a much needed step toward my goal.

GOALS:

1. Send out one of my polished, finished novels to agents. (Which would mean actually polishing up a novel). Then of course, I have to learn how not to cry hysterically and drink myself into oblivion every time I get a rejection. Kidding.

2. Send out more short stories, and write more shorts. Short story writing is hard for me, but I'm getting better at it. I think.

3. Jump back into the critiquing world.

4. Try my hand at writing in new genres. I might give it another go at Historical Fiction, despite my disasterous attempts previously (because the research eventually kicks my ass and my brain won't let me write unless I know some little insignificant detail).

5. Learn how to write funny banter in my dialogue. Seriously. I've been watching Firefly, and Wheadon's dialogue has made him my dialogue hero. Jim Butcher does the same kind of thing in his books and I flippin' love it.

6. Try writing some lighter stuff. Dark and angsty is what I like right now, but who knows?

7. Learn to write better outlines. Or you know, actually write a complete outline.

8. Write everyday.

Yup, them's is ma' goals.

Hellboy II, Running With Scissors, and American Zombie

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 07:46:03 GMT

It's that time again...Movie Reviews!

I usually watch lots of movies on Thanksgiving, and this year I rented a bunch of movies. One, The Forbidden Kingdom was so un-entertaining that I'm not even going to bother reviewing it, as I feel it would waste my time.

HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY

I found this movie, much like the first one, to be good but it could've been much, much better. In the second movie we find that Hellboy and Liz's romance has soured a bit since we last saw them--she needs space and he needs to feel like he isn't hidden away in the vaults of the Institute for Paranormal Research. All the while, they look into an attack on a art auction by the Elf Prince of long ago, who had vowed to break the peace between the humans and the other kinds of creatures. Now, I have to say I loved the depiction of the elves, deadly, pale, and scary as hell. We could really feel for the creatures forced to live in seclusion, to hide from the world of humans above ground. No one feels this more keenly than Hellboy, who once he makes his appearance on the nightly news, is rejected as a freak and dangerous. The Prince wants to wage war on humanity with the help of an ancient weapon, a piece of which resides with his twin sister.

My favorite part had to be the lurrrv subplot between the Elf Princess and Abraham Sapien, Hellboy's friend and brainy amphibian sidekick. The Prince and Princess are interesting characters. You can understand the Prince's need to wage war, and the Princess's loneliness, and her strength to keep the artifact from her twin brother, despite their psychic bond.

A couple of things could've been developed more...like Dr. Krauss (voiced by Seth McFarlane). He was just kind of there. Still not sure why his character was in the movie.

But I enjoyed it as a solid film.

The Report Card for this film: B-

RUNNING WITH SCISSORS

When I started watching this, the insanity of it all made me wonder, "And this is based on a memoir? NO WAY! No one can have this messed up of a life!"

Augusten Bouroughs is a 13 year old with a mentally unstable mother and an alcoholic father. As his father leaves the family after and alcoholic rage, his mother, an aspiring poet who thinks the world is against her creativity, hands Augusten off to her shrink, Dr. Finch. The Finch family is a study in craziness--the wife eats dog food and rages silently over the doctor's obvious infidelity; the elder sister is celebate and convinced the family cat is dying and once dead should be resurrected as a stew; the younger sister dreams of college, but her fund is pissed away by the family (and how she gained a college fund is a revelation). Augusten has a sexual relationship with the 33 year old schizophrenic adopted son of the Finches, who hears voices and attempts to kill the doctor.

Through it all we see Augusten's need to believe his mother can get better, and to accept others and himself. As each new craziness presented itself, I kept thinking that it couldn't be real. Couldn't.

But man, what a crazy childhood. Now, I have to read the book!

The Report Card for this film: B-/C+

AMERICAN ZOMBIE

I couldn't resist picking this up randomly when I saw the title. It's a mockumentary on the zombie population of LA, with the bumbling documentarian, and his girlfriend Grace Lee. It follows the lives of the "living deceased" or the so-called high-functioning Revenant culture, from the skater boy who lives in a closet, to the Hippy alternative medicine seeking zombie, to the quiet and shy girl zombie. There is also the zombie activist who works for "ZAG" or the Zombie Activist Group, who tries to get working rights for low-functioning zombies with no brain activity left. When the concert for zombies-only "Live Dead" is held, the documentary crew fights to get invited. But what's this festival really about? Are they consuming living flesh? And what's the blue glowing stuff in the vials the zombies hide in their fridges?

The beginning is rather boring, as we just follow around the zombies and only the tiniest hints are there that anything may be out of the ordinary. The Revenants are just trying to gain rights, right? By the middle of the movie though, I was wondering if the film crew would get out alive, or if they were just overly paranoid. Through it all, you become rather attached to the zombie's plights, and is the only zombie flick I've ever seen where I actually cringed at the idea that zombie-haters would kill a zombie, especially when they demonstrated how best to do so on a mannequin. Kill them? No! In this movie they're too much like regular people...which make the end all the more frightening.

This movie is definately very creative for a zombie flick.

The Report Card for this film: C

NaNo...Didn't Quite Make It

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 05:31:17 GMT

I got pretty close...but still not close enough.

44,043 was my final count as of Nov. 30th. I'm a little bummed that I fell so far behind that even when I buckled down toward the end (as much as I could with the holidays and finding an apartment) it didn't help.

I still plan on trying to finish the book in the next month, and then finishing the rewrite of the first book in January.

Meh, there's always next year.

Rejection #5 and NaNo

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 01:17:37 GMT

Working where I work, I've learned a few things about business emails and how to write them. Also, I've learned that when we say, "You should see results in a couple of days" really means "right, we haven't even started it yet, and yeah, we've probably misplaced your sample...somewhere."

I tried my damndest to wait for one of the places I'd sent ye olde "To Reign In Purgatory" to email me back. But I sent it to them in March. MARCH. Taking a lesson from work, I emailed them to ask what was up. They needed a little nudge. Oops. Who knows what happened? But they put me to the front of the slush pile and then I received:

"First, let me apologize for your extremely long wait. We fell far behind where we had ever intended to be, and I know that it is difficult to let a piece be away from home that long.

Unfortunately, your story doesn't fit our current needs and we won't be able to use it, but we invite you to submit again in the future.

Sincerely,

Yadda yadda Editor type person" (Okay so I took out the name of the place and the editor's name).

Yikes, a form rejection. I think it's time to retire this story. I know, I know, five rejections isn't much, but I think I've already exhausted the market for humorous fantasy. I also feel that this story was a bit of a stretch anyway, as humor isn't my strong point. I much prefer dark, and strange, and a little disturbing and creepy even (many a critter has marked a page with an 'ewwwww' or 'creepy'. I guess that's just how my imagination works.

I'll have to hunt through my short story pile after NaNo and do the edit-y thing again, and then launch them off into the world.

As for NaNo, I'm still behind. But it's flowing easier. Damien still has to meet his missing mom (who I've decided gets to save his ass while sword fighting). Insert lots of snark. Then he gets to save his comrades from being a cult sacrifice.

Wheee!

Falling a Bit Behind in NaNo

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 03:28:56 GMT

Yeah, for the past couple of days, I've fallen about 4K behind in NaNo. I'm hoping to catch up this weekend, but for some reason the words haven't been flowing. I've had to dig the words out of me, despite the fact that it's been easy to fall back into Damien's character. Things will pick up soon I hope.

Next Damien gets to search for his mother who has been missing for the past eight years after catching a glimpse of her.

Pausing NaNo to Take a Trip Down the Memory Lane of TV

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 07:08:22 GMT

I was thinking that I needed to make a few new icons for my NaNo, and as always, got distracted by a newfound site: www.retrojunk.com

I have to say, I suddenly got really excited about all of the shows I ued to watch as kid. I think it also explains my love of all things SF or Fantasy, mostly because my mom watched so many good or crappy shows in that genre and I went along for the ride.

1. Quantum Leap: As a kid, I formed an unrepentant crush on Scott Bakula as Sam Beckett, the quantum physicist leaping around in his own lifetime righting the wrongs of the past. Sam's earnest desire to help other people, and the akward situations he found himself in made it very cool to a kid such as me. Me and my friends down the street often played Quantum Leap like games. And you can't forget Al, the oversexed hologram, and Sam's best friend.

2. Mr. Wizard: I watched Mr. Wizard before I came upon Bill Nye, or the you've-got-to-be-on-acid version of Bill Nye, Beakman's World. Mr. Wizard would forever remind me of Patrick Stewart, though I'm sure they didn't look much alike. I learned how to cook food with mirrors, and other kid's science projects, a few which I actually did for school with a trusty Mr. Wizard's book I got as a gift.

3. DuckTales: If you can't sing the DuckTales themesong right this instant, you probably weren't a child of the 80's. I never particularly liked Huey, Dewey, and Louie, but I always enjoyed the Scroogeyness that was Scrooge McDuck, Donald's rich uncle with a vault of gold, and a heart that...well, wasn't. Along the same idea of DuckTales was Chip N' Dale's Rescue Rangers and Darkwing Duck. I also watched the heck out of Garfield and Friends. I watched it every morning before school. I tip my hat to Garfield's laconic and often sarcastic nature.

4.Gargoyles: I haven't seen episodes in so long, but I must've seen each episode at least three times. This was a cartoon that wasn't afraid to delve into darker themes, and I loved it for that. Betrayal, fear that humans feel for the unknown or the strange, living through tragedy, and love triangles. The stories were strangley complex, and not to mention that it mixed technology, fantasy, and mythology, cloning with characters from Shakespeare (Macbeth, Puck, Oberon and Titania). To top it all off the voice cast was mainly comprised of Star Trek and celebrity actors.

5. X-Men, the Cartoon Series: While I didn't like this as much as the Gargoyles, I still enjoyed the different characters. My favorite being Storm, 'cause dude she could fly! My second favorite was Gambit, a cool Cajun guy who could throw cards and make them explode. I remember in grade school playing X-Men, and arguing with another girl over which one of us would get to be Storm (I suggested she be Jubilee, who was a whiny bitch, and honestly, I kind of hated Wolverine).

6. Are You Being Served?: I'd come home from school, and my grandmother, who babysat us, would often watch this when it was in syndication in the 80's early 90's. I was a bit too young to get all of the sex related jokes, and I only knew that Mr. Humphries was over the top and totally hilarious (I didn't yet get all the of the references to his sexual orientation, but I had an idea of it). I think this was my first dose of British humor--or as the Brits would spell it, humour. When I go shopping with my sister, and something doesn't fit, I'll still say, "It'll ride up with wear."

7. Alien Nation: Alien Nation had a lot to say on immigration and racism...of aliens, the outer space kind. I liked the interaction of the aliens attempting to keep their culture, to assimilate, and yes, even to have relationship with humans, all the while humans in true human fashion would discrimiate against their new neighbors. Of course, the fact that many of the alien's humanized names were puns made it awesome too. (And I may add that the writer for this show was also the writer for one of my favorite shows, Farscape).

8. Due South: Before Paul Haggis wrote the Oscar-winning "Crash," he wrote for this Canadian show about a naive Mountie solving crimes in Chicago. I'll admit I had a ridiculous crush on the Mountie character, but there were other reasons to like this show. It was funny, but the storylines went deeper than that, and were often about finding your friends and making them like family. I guess I should mention that the one and only time I wrote fanfic was for this show.

Now for the random mentions that molded my brain growing up:
Mystery Science Theatre 3000, I watched it every Saturday morning.

The 13 Ghosts of Scooby Doo, with the awsome Vincent Price as a voice character.

The Real Ghostbusters, the continuing adventures of the movie Ghostbusters (and Slimer!).

Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?, the video game was the first computer game I ever played besides Oregon Trail, and the game-show was just as fun.

Okay, back to NaNo.

NaNo Day 11

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 02:35:21 GMT

[x-posted to macaroni_thief]

I've finally fallen into the groove, though I have a feeling the dreaded middle might bog me down a bit. Most of my first drafts seems to feel more like an exented outline anyway.

I'm at 16,896 right now. Hopefully, I'll up that by the end of the night.

Because I wanna, here's a brief snippet of something I wrote last night that I had great fun with. I love it when Damien shoots his mouth off.

I didn't know if I should knock or just wait on the porch until someone, maybe Jeeves the loveable butler, came to open it.

Warm crysplaz pressed into the back of my head, and swiftly pulled back. I froze, sensing in that moment that someone had pushed the barrel of a rifle against my head, and because they knew better than to remain within my strike zone, had backed off. An illegal pulse rifle, already warmed for firing. Someone on the other end had done this before.

I raised my hands above my head. "If you're looking to rob me, I have to warn you, that fly in my wallet isn't worth much. But don't take him, he's such a good pet. When I tell him to play dead, well, he's real good at it."

A annoyed snort. But I recognized the voice as Mrs. Archer's. "Just answer a few questions first, Mr. Campbell. Are you alone?"

I was annoyed now. I turned around to find Mrs. Archer aiming the rifle straight at my chest, standing in a silk robe, but with smart sneakers on her dainty feet. Her frozen gaze never wavered from sighting straight for my heart.

"I'm not answering anything until you answer some of my quesitons," I growled.

"Are you alone, Mr. Campbell? It's a simple yes or no."

"Philosophically we're all alone."

"Yes or--" Her petite fingers thumbed the eleckclip to a deadlier bolt-size. "--no." Her eyes narrowed. The woman was stone cold serious.

This was one fem I probably shouldn't mess with.

"Yes," I answered. "I'm alone." I pointed next to me. "Aside from this six-foot rabbit named Harvey. Say hi, Harv."

Mrs. Archer looked like she considered shooting me.

NaNo Day 6

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 07:50:38 GMT

I've fallen a bit behind, and for some reason its taking me a little while to throw Damien into a new set of problems, though old problems cropped back up. I found out he's still battling with his new found sobriety. I also decided on a whim to throw some characters into the book that were only mentioned in the first one, who I hope will represent Damien's desperate need to be a part of a family.

So, far it's mostly gruesome death and ghosts.

NaNo Day 1

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 19:15:18 GMT

I wound up staying up until about three in the morning to get my Muse jump started (and after fully recouperating from a Halloween hang over). My brain has been in edit mode for so long that it took me some time before I just went with the pure abandonment of getting down words. There were a few challenges to writing a stand alone sequel that I hadn't counted on. So far I'm writing somewhat like the reader already knows a little about the characters, but I'm a little confused as where to put background info on the previous book (since Donald Mass says no background info until page fifty, I'm not doing it yet).

Still, I find that throwing my characters into the fray again is really exciting.

Here's where I am:

Last Minute Research

Wed, 29 Oct 2008 02:04:10 GMT

Yeah, since I've been developing the plot outline for NaNo, I've needed to do new research.

1. I need to look into the literature on Narcotics Anon.
2. Did some brief looking into Oxford University and their History Department. I found that they have a papyrology (didn't know there was such a thing until now) section, and reserachers who translate ancient texts originally written on papyrus. Perfect. Just what I was looking for.
3. Whether to have my fictional ancient text in Latin or Greek, and what the challenges are in translating it.
4. Maybe a little on exorcism in the ancient world.

Oh, and if anyone's wondering, I'm signed up on NaNo as macaroni_thief.